CONFESSIONS OF A GAY UGANDAN TEEN

Confessions Of A…….?

2012-01-17T14:43:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I turned twenty late last year andI’m in a bit of a crisis which I hadn’t noticed until a week ago. The name ofthis blog has become irrelevant and dishonest. It’s gonna be hard letting go ofthe ‘teen’ though; I kinda thought it made me special…now I’m just anotherblogger in an endless sea of bloggers. You must be thinking, ‘How pretentiousis this guy!’ To be honest the gayeast African teen’s point of view is rarely heard, and I am not about to claimthat you’ve heard it entirely on this blog. I have always tried to make it clear topeople that I do not represent anyone, and that all the opinions voiced on hereI do not mention on anyone’s behalf. But after a year and a half of exposing mythoughts and sometimes childish ideologies online I have come to discover thatthere are many people out there that share my point of view, and others that haveinstead learnt to embrace that point of view and made it their own. Now that I’mtwenty I realize it has brought me immense joy to have encountered all the people I did through this blog and for that I am truly grateful.

I'll be changing the name and URL soon. I'm open to suggestions.

DELUDED MUCH?

2012-01-09T23:52:00.000-08:00

One of the things that amuses me aboutUgandans, or should I say, at least the ones I’ve encountered in my lifetime istheir blatant inability to acknowledge that there is a problem. Many peoplehave come to this country and called us the happiest people on earth. True,that’s what it looks like. The only way to understand how the Ugandan massescan turn so brutal in an instant is by knowing how we receive problematicsituations or things that we do not understand.

Many of our current anti-gay figures years ago were in denial of the fact thathomosexuals existed in Uganda, and now we see them everyday frothing at themouth with uncontrollable disgust and hate towards the homosexual.

I’m currently in a similar situation withmy parents. I’m sure they have an inkling about my sexuality but they howeverchoose to ignore it and continue to bring up girlfriends and all that nonsenseat the dinner table. The same is happening with my brothers who have comeacross messages in my phone…but they still continue to act like its all fine,well, all is fine for me, but it shouldn’t be for them. They should have comeand said something by now but they continue to act like I’m interested indating girls. Sometimes it just makes me want to scream at them! They justwon’t acknowledge that there is something that needs to be accepted/dealt with.

It all goes to show the negative power of wishfulthinking…the mind will believe what it wants to believe. The problem with thisthough is that when the truth that they’ve so desperately pushed away cannot becontained anymore, in most cases people here will react violently.

Remember the post I did back then about coming out? Remember how confident Iwas? Well things have happened and I’m not as confident or as delusional anymore.All I can do now is thank God for the fact that I barely live in this countrynow and that weeks from today I will be, once again, safe and sound in anentirely different social scene, atmosphere, world that I have now fullyadapted to.

WATCH THIS SPACE

2011-10-26T02:19:00.000-07:00

I'm coming back soon... :)

NO PLACE LIKE HOME

2011-07-10T14:54:00.000-07:00

So I’ve been back in Uganda for sometime now and it has been great so far to be home. It’s been the best time of the year for me so far. Being away from the supposed cluster-fuck that is Uganda can have a dull effect sometimes. I missed everything from the Boda-Bodas to the dust, from the yelling matatu conductors to the bad customer service. Yes, whenever I’m being welcomed into restaurants abroad by smiling waiters I recoil with the assumption that they are somehow trying to reach for my pockets, why the hell are they smiling? The mystery of the smiling waiter still has me perplexed because I’ve grown accustomed to floors being cleaned with customers still seated and eating, to receptionists who put their manicures before the person standing in the hallway…and I do not hate it surprisingly. I love Uganda…and that means a lot coming from me, remember, I’m the one who wants to cut all ties to this country and I will still try to eventually. This love hate relationship I have with this land is a result of the fact that I know I might never live life freely as a gay man in Uganda, and I don't see myself pretending to be married to a woman while secretly slutting around with equally discreet gay Ugandan men, no sir! But I still at the moment find myself wanting to be here more than ever. Uganda is special. I can get away with many things here. On top of that the people are warm and friendly, they are so happy with no reason…we are in the middle of our worst economic crisis and yet it’s hard to tell. Haha! And the Baganda (most of the men) are so hilariously arrogant. Then theres the night life, and the summer almost all year. Yes this is the only country in the world where you can have a head-on collision on a one way road, and where the police men become the traffic lights at certain times of the day, even when the lights still working, but it's wonderful, atleast for now. Life is so simple once again. Here’s to Uganda, the true land of the free (as long as you’re not openly gay).

***

NEW YORK PASSES GAY MARRIAGE BILL

2011-06-25T10:54:00.000-07:00

The revolution is ours to fight for love, justice+equality. Rejoice NY, and propose. We did it!!!-LADY GAGA

So the same sex marriage bill just got passed in the state of New York! Marriage Equality won 33-29. I’m really happy about that, mostly cuz I want to go to the big apple for my post-graduate studies…not that I’m gonna get married there or anything! I guess it’ll just be great to be in a city where people like me can actually get married. *Going out to celebrate with my homophobe friends!*

COMING OUT TALES AND EXPERIENCES

2011-06-17T05:51:00.000-07:00

So the New York Times is running a series of articles about gay teens and their experiences with coming out or simply being gay today...(sorta like the I'm From Driftwood Project.) Accompanied with what I can call the most impressive Photo-Journalism I have seen in a while, it makes for very inspiring reading; their stories opening our eyes to what it means to be gay in both American society and other parts of the world. It is also a reminder that there is still a lot to be done until full acceptance is reached or is atleast apparent to all the human senses. Like Bayard Rustin once said…it is not our duty to change/control anyone but to control the extent to which they can publicly manifest anti-gay sentiment…kinda like how nobody today can go on air or the street and spew their racist nonsense. There’s no stopping until the Tony Perkins and Ssempas of the world are seen in the same light as this guy>>>

Remember when this was normal???

THE FEM CONDITION

2011-06-09T19:08:00.000-07:00

Its funny; this world of ours, funny how there are homophobic black people and racist gay people. Apparently the fact that one group of people can be denied equal rights does not stop said group from not only denying another group of people the same rights but also discriminating against them. It’s astounding how the black church, an institution that has been at the heart of black emancipation, refuses to unlock the oppressive closet for gays and lesbians. Black Christians, who have been despised and oppressed for much of their existence, should be wary of extending that oppression to lesbians and gays or anyone, for that matter. What’s even more astounding is the fact that there are many gay people that hate on other gay people.

The condition of the feminine gay man is one that I find particularly interesting. It annoys me when I come across gay people, online and in person who say that feminine gay guys give the gay community a bad name. Many people today regard feminine gay guys as latté drinking, hedonistic attention whores who steal each other’s boyfriends and throw themselves at any opportunity for sex. I for one know that this is true for some, if not many gay men, but again it doesn’t justify the generalization or hatred of them as a ‘sub-group’. The fact that there even are ‘sub-groups’ within the gay community has me off balance! I would somewhat understand if it was just straight people saying these things…straight men in particular; but gay men? ‘Straight acting gays’ as they like to call themselves. I really don’t like that phrase…so we’ll just stick with ‘masculine gay men.’ I for example find it hard to understand how someone, a whole gay someone would hate Chris Crocker, or people like him, or any person at all…I mean, sure he can be really annoying sometimes or all the time, you fill in the blank, but aren’t we all, don’t we all have our crazy?

I don’t have any extremely flamboyant gay friends, probably because I just haven’t gotten along or connected with the ones I’ve met or spoken to so far (probably because I’m afraid they’ll out-fab me), but that’s about it! But to call them an embarrassment to men, to ridicule them or join in in the making fun of them by your straight friends, that’s just cruel and stupid and it goes against the equality and respect for each other that gays are trying to reach. Some of these masculine gays even go as far as saying its all an act, really? is it?

At the end of the day we all need to consider that it could be men like this who put in much of the driving force behind the Gay Rights Movement anyway; their extremely opinionated minds and forceful personalities, the fact that they have something to say about everything and anything and just won’t shut the hell up; their extreme sense of confidence and unwavering sureness of self. Next time you see a Drag Queen you should even kiss her feet, because they played a huge part in the Stonewall Riots…or so I’m told.

In my opinion, of all gay people, feminine gay men have it harder, they are more prone to homophobia, to discrimination and judgment, they were labeled gay before they even knew what the word meant, then came ‘Fag’ when they figured it all out, and yet they continued to wave their Barbies around for Show ‘n Tell. This ability, this self-realized freedom to be yourself even when the overwhelming tide of public opinion rises against the very fabric of who you are, if it doesn’t spell courage, then I don’t know what does; and we need more of this in the world, fast!

RANDOM

2011-05-06T13:43:00.000-07:00

Remember how I ramble on and on about how people seem not to notice I’m gay? Oh well! Looks like I’m actually that transparent in every sense, considering the fact that these dudes in my class put me on the spot and asked if I was a big fat gay. So maybe I really am a stereotype, whatever! With this realization my fear of labels has kicked into overdrive. I am still uncomfortable with being affirmed gay. Suddenly the imaginary court in my head seems to have given me a sentence whenever people conclude or even suggest that I must be gay. Now I have not exactly hidden it either; not once have I been asked if I was gay and said no, not once! I like to keep people guessing, its all part of this sophisticated façade I project, or think I project on a day to day basis. Plus its really fun being the boy who MIGHT be gay.

Before I leave this place I hope to fully gain the strength to live life as an out gay man, to not care about what people think. I was raised being told by my parents; ‘Comb your hair! People will think you’re this’, ‘Pull up your socks, people will think you’re that.’ It was always what other people thought, why couldn’t I instead pull my socks up for me? It sucks to say that on mothers day but on the contrary I’ll have you know my parents are the best parents one could ever have, so it is impossible for me to blame the fact that I am not confident in my sexuality on them, or my insatiable need for human approval, I could blame it on genetics, or my country. Hell, many gays are not confident in their sexuality either, even in the so called ‘Land of the Free’, the USA, with all its victories and strides in gay rights, LGBT people are still considered the bastards of the world, or less-than. I’m pretty sure a gay kiss in central park would raise many eyebrows. Don’t even get me started on the UK, or South Africa. Truth is the U.S is still a long way from full equality…funny isn’t it, if the US is a long way away from the finishing line, then where does Uganda fall? Is it even on the track yet? Plenty times I think that by the time Uganda has its first gay-pride parade, the whole concept of gay pride will be irrelevant in the western world. But you can never really know.

I’ve decided its time to grow up. I don’t want to come out; I just want to be out…to just be! atleast while I’m outside Uganda. To me the term ‘coming out’ suggests an announcement, and I don’t want to announce anything, because straight people do not announce that they are so, black people do not announce that they are so, they just are, unless of course they are asked. And we’ll see where this thing takes us.

HEAVY QUOTES

2011-04-30T09:16:00.000-07:00

“The job of the gay community is not to deal with extremists who would castigate us or put us on an island and drop an H-bomb on us. The fact of the matter is that there is a small percentage of people in the world* who understand the true nature of the homosexual community. There is another small percentage who will never understand us. Our job is not to get those people who dislike us to love us. Nor was our aim in the civil rights movement to get prejudiced white people to love us. Our aim was to try to create the kind of America, legislatively, morally, and psychologically, such that even though some whites continued to hate us, they could not openly manifest that hate. That’s our job today: to control the extent to which people can publicly manifest antigay sentiment.”

~Bayard Rustin (civil rights activist and gay man who advised MLKjr and organized the 1963 March on Washington)

OF SEX AND A COMMUNITY

2011-04-24T18:43:00.000-07:00

Can I let you in on a little Secret? I haven't had sex in.....ever. Of course that's if your definition of sex between two guys is limited to the idea of putting something into a hole. Expand your definition of sex and that sends the day I lost my virginity way behind, embarrassingly behind! Anal sex terrifies me! I had known I liked boys since I was around five and had an immense crush on my class teacher...he was a fox; I however only learnt about anal ten years later and those brats I told you about were joking about what went down in a certain boys secondary school.Still the whole idea was all too abstract and mundane to me. I then started to think that I was the only gay person that did not automatically think anal was the way to go.

Through the years I sometimes thought that it appeared ‘gay’ men were trying to simulate heterosexual intercourse; making the anus as a makeshift vagina…hence they were not really gay! I just didn't get it, I still don't... So I came to a temporary conclusion, the only way I could understand where this anal thing came from was this embarrassing theory; that there were indeed other people like me, who genuinely liked other men, and then there were genuinely straight guys who did not have much luck with the ladies and hence came to prey on the genuinely homosexual boys and made them have sex in a way they did not want, in the easiest way they could simulate the heterosexual sex they were missing…and so the homosexual boys would submit to them anyway, because lets face it; the gay dating pool wasn’t that big and they were desperate. Hehe, don’t laugh at my fragmented thought patterns; I was a kid for goodness sake. So I lived knowing men that were really gay didn’t have a shot at full sexual satisfaction, because anal sex hurts and it really does nothing for the one being penetrated, from what I’ve heard…after all, the anus has no nerve endings. When bottoms say they enjoy being penetrated I’ve always convinced myself that they are lying…How can that feel good? I thought;
‘Of course! Anyone can program himself or herself to think they’re actually enjoying something when they’re really not!
If Tops are looking for penetration, can’t they just go find a woman?
Where do tops come from anyway?
Heterosexual sex=the union of penis and vagina,
Lesbian sex=union of two vaginas,
Gay sex=union of PENIS and ANUS?????’

I have of recent been coming across more and more gay people that feel the same way I do and have all the above questions…What a relief it has been to find out I’m not the only one… I was beginning to worry I was asexual or something, not that there’s anything wrong with that. I find it impossible to have my dick up the arse of someone I have real feelings for, or a dick up my arse for that matter, sorry for the crude language.

Someone recently told me this, I quote, “The desire to have anal intercourse arises/arose from the need to comply with and imitate a standard established by heterosexist culture and education. The heterosexist culture has only conceived sex as being between a masculine being and another feminine one, and as penetrative, so the homosexual couple would also have to satisfy these requirements…the result being a heterosexualised and deformed homosexuality. (Is this true? Male-Female, Top-Bottom?) This imposed model serves so that true homosexuality remains hidden and it is not developed with normality. It is rejected that two men can have totally satisfactory sex without having to copy the heterosexual couple. In non-homophobic cultures, homosexuality was never associated with anal intercourse and sex between men was focused on frottage and intimacy which does not imitate male-female sex as anal penetration represents the ultimate form of sexual disrespect whether male/male or male/female.”

This all got me thinking what if gay men are not really meant to have intercourse but ‘outercourse’ instead, after all we are wired differently aren’t we? Also I wondered whether this whole anal thing and its relation with submission to heterosexist ideals has something to do with the apparent collective inferiority complex of the gay community…Yes, I just said it, its out there! Inferiority complex! Why do we call ourselves ‘Queers’, why? Why are some gay people still making ‘fag’ jokes? Where did the terms ‘Straight acting gay’ come from? For a gay guy to say he is ‘straight acting’ would be to allege that straight people are indeed superior to gay people, which we sure as hell know is totally not the case. Imagine a world where a black guy said, ‘I’m fit, muscular, hardworking, handsome and white-acting.’ To couple all these positive words; fit, muscular, handsome with the word ‘white-acting’ or ‘white-looking’ would be to insinuate that being white is superior and being black inferior. Same case for us folks, every single thing about our behaviours, language or preferences should be refined so as to wipe out the dark cloud that looms over our heads whispering the lies that one race is inferior to the other; that one gender is superior to the other, and that one sexual orientation is superior to the other.

Another thing I wonder about is if after the sex a top really respects the bottom he’s been with. Does the bottom still regard himself highly after that? I know I wouldn’t…does that say anything about the scarcity of committed gay relationships?, about promiscuity in the gay community? Maybe this never ending cycle of anal penetration leads to another never ending cycle of lack of respect for one another or oneself, which brings us to a multitude of gay men slutting around, plus you can’t have good relationships forming between people who don’t respect each other or respect themselves. This lack of respect also points to the discrimination that lies within the gay community itself…seriously, No fems, Fatties, or Blacks!???? Honestly? Only among gays have I seen such things. Only on gay blogs have I seen the most racist comments. Anyone watched the A-List NewYork lately? It may be a little unfair to lay all the blame on the sex though…I mean, there might be an entire web of factors that have led to what the majority of the gay community is like today, its been through a lot; the Nazis, Stonewall, HIV, and now Scott Lively. The constant judgement by society must have played a big part too.

Much as I find the thought of anal sex dirty, repulsive and disgusting, I am not jumping to any conclusions, maybe I am wrong…it probably is because anal is not for me as a person since from what I hear other people enjoy it a lot, even straight couples as I have mentioned before. Hell! Maybe I’ll even end up trying anal later, who knows? Nothing is set in stone for now. It’s the only way I’ll know that I really don’t like it. An increasing number of gay men are starting to be anti-anal though and I would have loved to say that it would draw a rift through the entire gay community changing it forever, because, we all know how I love dramatic assumptions, but if that were to happen we would be shooting ourselves in the foot since we always throw around the statement ‘It is none of your business what others do in the privacy of their rooms.’ I probably should try take that advice, I mean, the symbol of the gay community is the rainbow isn’t it? And it symbolises diversity even in the gay community itself, hence not everybody in the gay community loves Lady Gaga, or wears skinny jeans, or has anal sex…it’s the beauty of it; variety is the spice of life. And even though the gay community may have a lot of complications, both sexual and non-sexual related, it is up to us as individuals, or as couples, to free ourselves from those complications, to define what our own experiences as gay people will be, and as each individual/couple is liberated, the whole gay community will be. Just because the government says you’re not married does not mean you aren’t…that all depends on if at all you want to be called ‘married’…maybe there’s no word for whatever it is you’re in, its that special; civil union? I think not!!! One thing we also seem to forget is that how we have sex is the most insignificant thing about our sexual orientation, because homosexuality is primarily and supremely about LOVE between two people. No one should tell you who you are…So walk tall and carry a big stick!

LOSERS, INCONVENIENCES AND MONSTERS

2011-03-31T03:00:00.000-07:00

Loser of the decade?

So the anti-homosexuality bill was shelved…or trashed, whatever…put your hands up if you saw that one coming? I’m not amused though, I find it really hard to be amused by anything these days. Much as I want to go all ‘wooohooo!’on poor poor Bahati I just can’t, because lets face it folks, however much bills are trashed, there will still be people out there that think like him and Ssempa…and the thought of it, the thought of millions of others that are in that mindset…that’s just a new level of depressing.

What could possibly be done to educate the multitudes of Africans out there that think I should be put to death, in the name of religions that were shipped onto this continent from oceans away. Oh God no! I sound like Betty Kamya. What I’m trying to say is when does this all stop? The point where we stop fighting and every human being accepts the next one for who they are…when does that time come? I’m sure many of you ask yourselves this. Well, I’m done wondering…that time may be far off, or near…but who the hell cares? Isn’t the point of life to live in the now?

There are so many inconveniences that come with being gay, anything out of the ordinary really…you have to tell your parents, your college roommates, list goes on. I hate the fact that being gay is not part of the ‘usual’ yet…that I have to tell people I’m gay when they try to hook me up with their female friends, I hate that some of those people write me off on discovering that one thing, I hate that most gay men from my age to thirty five are unredeemable sluts and are always after the next ‘big thing’, I hate the fact that my compatibility with a guy rests on the question of whether I’m a top or bottom…what the f@%k is that anyway?! I know what that is, don’t trip! I mean, seriously, a guy comes up to you and asks, ‘So,…u top or bottom.’ As in really?! But I'm all about love.

And what do I love?…besides myself?.....The Grindr app! It’s a great tool to meet new gay people in your area…in the case of the unredeemable sluts I’ve been talking about, it’s a tool for hooking up. Well, I’ve met some really awesome people in my University with this application, but I draw the line at being sent nasty ‘cock-pics’ by random strangers at inconvenient times, lol! I was in a lecture once and I got an alert for what I thought was an sms, I get my phone out and I find the ‘one eyed monster’ staring hardly at me, haha…I shoved my phone back in!

HELP! THERE’S A GIRL IN MY BED!!!

2011-03-06T02:23:00.000-08:00

Help her, I mean…I couldn’t be terrified in the very least. How is it that people can’t get a hint? All I have done since I got into University is drop hints that I am a big fat gay… What do people want me to do…stand in the middle of the plaza at lunch hour and shout I F**K GUYS?

It was shocking, like a scene out of Gossip Girl. There were loud bangs on my door, bangs of a semi-drunk hot girl. I opened and she let herself in promptly. I was tired and high from the night out…she was too, but she wanted something more. She must have had me on her bucket list for a while given how she had marched direct to my door. She was a vision; well, at least that’s what I hear from the guys.

She kept rubbing on the sides of her dress, and all over her curvy body, I guess that’s supposed to be a signal?...a signal for me to take it off? Straight guys, help me out here… She told me to put the light out…and I was like; sorry? You’ve had a lot to drink haven’t you? Blah blah yada yada… -“Turn off the f**king light and move over!” she interrupted. I’ve never heard anyone be so vulgar and graceful at the same time. Haha, she was really focused, this one, so I did as she asked. Well, within five seconds her dress was off and so was her bra…she was now inside my bed, completely naked, waiting for me to do what all the guys do…nobody ever rejects her, so why would I? Poor thing. I promised myself at the beginning of the year not to laugh at things I don’t consider funny, not to bother with people I don’t give a damn about and not to do things that do not pleasure me at all just to make other people happy. Well, I was not about to make her happy, so I sat it out and braced myself for what would be the most awkward three hours of my life. In my head I kept wondering what I did that would make this girl think I was straight. I’d been all the stereotypes, it didn’t seem to work. Now she was rubbing up against me. Oh god! What a waste that was…I have straight friends that would have loved to hit that.

Its morning now and she’s still in my sheets…I can’t help but feel for her, I mean, she’s gonna wake up with a shattered ego, thinking I rejected her. She’s never been rejected in her life. She’s smart and beautiful and she deserves someone that would never leave her in bed on a Sunday to go write a blog. My thoughts have somehow wandered off to women that are married to gay men and they don’t know it…the girl in my bed has wasted a Saturday night, many out there are wasting a life. As long as being gay is not considered equal to being straight, women will continue to be hurt, empty marriages will continue to be formed and lives will keep on being wasted…not to mention weekends. Waste a life, but do not waste a weekend, never!!!

Let me not turn this into a gay rights rant however. She’s 20, she’ll bounce back, they always do. Its not like she was in love with me or anything. Its college!

LOLZ

2011-02-27T01:44:00.000-08:00

“The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals. That doesn’t mean that God doesn’t love heterosexuals. It’s just that they need more supervision.”

~Lynn Lavner

DON'T FEED THE SLEAZE-BAGS!!!

2011-02-16T07:48:00.000-08:00

I’ve stumbled upon a few pictures and I am disturbed. You know how college can be exciting and people tend to experiment and stuff. Think Hollywood college movies. It astounds me how Ugandans my age try very hard to replicate whatever they see on their TV screens, in this case I mean straight girls dabbling in lesbianism. A couple of people I know are starting to get into the whole ‘I kissed a girl’ craze, Ugandan girls. I do not want to be misunderstood, I do not mean to contradict myself in saying lesbianism is an American thing or is not Ugandan, I’m trying to say straight girls dabbling in lesbianism is an American-college thing. I blame Hollywood, and I blame that hypocritical b**ch Katy Perry.

The scenario of straight girls making out at parties for the sake of mimicking pop culture puts me off because I feel it only serves to satisfy the fantasies of sleazy straight boys. If you’re not lesbian, do not kiss a girl! Period!!! I would find it equally off-putting if it was straight guys doing it instead for the females’ enjoyment. Plus it really does nothing for our cause. Seriously, what do these girls think it’s doing for them, making them look edgy? It should be no different from people misusing Prozac. It has somewhat become trendy for people, mostly in the first world, to say they’re on Prozac…what does that say to people that are actually using the drug for real treatment. (For the over-thinkers, no, I’m not equating lesbianism to depression. Try getting the drift.) I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t even kiss in private; I bet it’s all for pleasing the men…way to go, sending the feminist movement twenty years behind. Straight men will never lock lips however much their female friends beg. These women!...and then they’ll come crying to us, the ‘gay best friends’ when the men tell them to stay in the kitchen and stick to what they do best.

It seems kind of arrogant to me for someone to deliberately immerse himself or herself in homosexual behavior just for fun or for laughs when at that very moment somewhere in a Johannesburg Township a woman is being stabbed or “correctively raped” for being the very thing they make a mockery of. Or perhaps it’s just the fact that I have a general dislike for straight boys these days…I mean, they over estimate their attractiveness, constantly think we’re out to get them, so anything that would make them sexually excited I seek to stomp out promptly. Next time I see straight girls make-out at a party, with testosterone pumping Neanderthals cheering on and watching in amazement, I’m throwing a shoe at their interlocked lips! Call me Jack Buzz-Kill.

STILL HERE.

2011-02-04T14:50:00.000-08:00

A lot has happened in the last week. I have gained weight, grown facial hair and I have been hurled through the air and dropped into a totally different culture and economy. Yes I left for college, and I’ve been here for a few days. Its beautiful here; totally diverse place, so many people. The parties are to die for! Still I won’t say I don’t have problems adjusting, there’s the weather, new people, the lack of Boda Bodas to deal with. But hey, that’s college for you, starting over. Despite the minor setbacks, I’ve been having the time of my life…until the flu hit me yesterday; what a drag. And no, no special guys yet, but there’s plenty of eye candy, responsive eye candy for a change. For once in my life I feel like I could actually date someone and walk down the street with him hand in hand, the ocean roaring in support in the background. I just have to make that happen now.

I apologise for the sketchy post, I’m struggling with flu and headache…darn weather changes! I’m actually afraid that I might not write quality blogs anymore now that I’m gonna be busy with schedules and all, but I guess we’ll see where this college thing takes us.

College Kid.

SLAIN HEROES

2011-01-27T15:06:00.000-08:00

Whenever we hear of gay personalities being killed, our minds usually wander off to the Caribbean Island of Jamaica. At least for me it does. Never ever did I think it would hit close to home. If people do nothing, Uganda will fast become one of those highlighted-in-red states.

I woke up this morning to the tragic news of David Kato, a Ugandan gay activist’s death. Yes, he's the one that was on the front page of the hang them campaign. He was also among those that recently won a case against the rolling rug. Sometimes we undermine the level of hate that lies underneath the everyday smiles that are typical of Ugandan society. Somewhere in a crowd of happy people, there is always a sad sad soul that will want to take out their life’s failures and disappointment on someone else…regardless whether it is triggered by a newspaper outing, money or long-harbored disdain. This is one of those days that I feel overcome with helplessness for the human condition.

It all seemed so surreal to me in the morning when I found out. Then it got scary. It’s now sad. Like I said before, I don’t know any of the gay activists personally, hell, I don’t even hang out in the big gay circles, but hearing about this tragedy I can’t help but feel close to this person…the things he has done for the struggle for equality in this country. The LGBT community truly has suffered a huge loss, the loss of a brave man. We should not mourn over David Kato’s death; we cannot let him become just another statistic. He’d want us to celebrate the life he lived and honor it by being just as brave and as proactive as he was. Fearless.

It is truly sad that this man did not live long enough to see the full equality he so relentlessly fought for, a freedom that is yet to lend a glimpse of itself to us. One day that freedom will appear on the horizon…it will arrive. And wherever David Kato is, he will smile with us.

May His Soul Rest In Eternal Peace.

HAPPINESS

2011-01-26T04:42:00.000-08:00

Ever get the feeling that God owes us…I mean, first he makes us gay, then he has his followers going around saying its something we chose, as if someone would choose to be a moving target every single day, especially in Africa.

Back then when I thought being gay was a bad thing, I’d ask God why he’d do such a thing to me. Once in a while I’d cry when I was alone and go over and over in my head about how sad and unfortunate my life was…eventually I stopped and realized how much I had going on for me in the non-sexuality department. I was extremely talented compared to my classmates…I was creative, I’d ace tests even though I’d sleep all day in class. All of a sudden it occurred to me that I might actually be okay, actually better off than most people. I always liked to say to myself; God took 'normal' sexuality away from you and gave you so much more.

In the middle of high school, I discovered the Internet…why did it take so darn long? I was fifteen. I started to look around…and so I found. I found many other people like me. Round wholesome people like myself, everyday people, black, white, Asian, Hispanic, African people. And they were all gay. Suddenly being gay was not bad anymore. God had not compensated anything lacking in me. There was nothing to repair. One day in the holidays I walked to my bathroom mirror and finally gave voice to the words. I AM GAY. I laughed. That silly label. I had always known I liked boys, like since…ever. I had an immense crush on Aladdin as a three year old. I just did not have a word for it.

Its funny how I thought most gay people were bad looking…like God had just dumped all the rejects into that one box. But I think we all know how contrary that is to the truth. You can’t help but wonder, if God hates fags,…then why are they so darn cute?

One thing I’ve learnt so far is you can either go on and on about how unfair God/life is, or you can choose to simply be happy. Choose to focus on those things that are good in your life…and yes, that includes your beautiful sexuality. You can create bliss for yourself. Happiness is a state of mind and cannot be moved by anything on the outside…be it newspaper outings, or the Kampala heat these days.

HOPE,...IN UNLIKELY PACKAGING

2011-01-13T14:14:00.000-08:00

The people I admire the most are those that have the courage to stand up against the overwhelming tide of public opinion that is contrary to theirs and say exactly what they think is right...even when it means they’ll lose everything. Today I’m celebrating these kinds of people. What courage! It’s the kind of courage I see when one gay Ugandan comes out to his parents knowing all too well what is at stake, but doing it anyway just so they can be themselves…so that two, three, four gay teens can see that life indeed goes on after coming out, regardless of how they’re viewed after that. So that that gay comedian can see he’ll still be just as funny after coming out…or that gay teacher, or matatu driver.

In what I consider to be a first, FDC presidential candidate, Dr.Kizza Besigye recently proved he falls well under this category. Anyone that can dare to stand up to the wide assumption in Uganda that gay people are a disease that should be wiped out has my respect, especially when the idle, Boda Boda riding, ‘Kikomando’ eating, soccer fanatic crowd will eventually hear about it. When I first heard about this I was actually in shock…I mean, how could it be that a Ugandan political figure, let alone a 2011 presidential candidate just spoke in opposition to that horrendous bill? Not in my Uganda…I never even thought I’d ever hear the words decriminalization and homosexuality in the same sentence while still on Ugandan soil. But Uganda can be full of surprises.

"This is something that is done in the privacy of people's rooms, between consenting adults," says Inter-Party Cooperation presidential candidate Dr. Kizza Besigye, who will challenge President Yoweri Museveni for the third time in the February 18 election.

I’ll give the guy a pass for the privacy of bedrooms bit…I don’t like it when gay relationships are made to appear about sex only. But guess I can let that slide.

My respect and unlimited support also goes out to another great example of the courage that I so admire; the totally awesome teenagers of the Equal Center in Kansas City, USA that staged a die-in at a rally for The Call’s Lou Engle. Kansas City is pretty conservative, I’m told, and he has a lot of power there. There were about 20,000 people at the Lou Engle rally and this group of 40 young people was demonstrating at the event against the hate mongering that Lou Engle and The Call have been doing in Uganda. Many people that attend his rallies have no idea what he has contributed to the anti Gay hysteria here. Like I said before, we are not alone…people out there are standing with us. So I encourage you to dig in deeepaah! and support this insanely cool cause.
Click here to donate to the Equal Center.

HEAD IN THE SAND

2011-01-11T13:30:00.000-08:00

Isn’t it amazing how someone can look you, me, us in the face and boldly tell us we chose to be gay. It’s not God’s plan, that’s what they say. I just don’t understand. Case in point the large and in charge black woman in this video at 4.22. Check out Botox Blondie at 2.40 as well. Did you catch that? I mean the logical thing to do if you wanted to find out whether gay people are born that way or not would be to ask the gay people themselves,...what better way?

I don’t know what in the world would possess a person to think they can tell other people who they are and who they aren’t. What kind of arrogance is that? Where does it come from? How could I have chosen to be gay as if I would choose to be mocked every single day? Lose more than half of my friends? As if I would choose the likelihood of my father looking at me sternly, his deep dark eyes burning holes in my soul, and telling me he doesn’t want to see my face ever again, not even when he’s dying. I shudder at the thought of coming out to my parents. How could I possibly choose that? Despite the fact that these questions have been asked over and over again, there still are people that think they know everything about us. It’s such a drain isn’t it? Turns out not all of us subscribe to logic or common sense, obviously. Some of us shut our ears and shout ‘Lalalala, I’m right, you’re wrong’ when facts are being thrown at them. They criticize what they know nothing of.

The one thing about the anti-gay movement in Uganda that I find absolutely ridic is how if you’re Ugandan and you argue that gays should be left alone and they’ve done nothing, they immediately ask you if you support homosexuality in Uganda. Support? There’s nothing to support or not support, it’s just a thing that’s there. Like I’ve said before, it’s like saying; ‘do you support left handedness, or air, or water.’ They’re there and they’re not going away any time soon, so it does not matter whether it’s supported or not. Laissez faire and move on!

Homosexuality is not something that’s worth rallying against, not even remotely. Many years later we’re going to look back and realize how stupid we’ve been. All the time and mental energy we could have used to get our economy to wake up from its deep sleep, wasted on who people are attracted to. When it’s too late to catch up with the rest of the world, I’ll proudly say; I told you so! But at this point I’m just threatening, after all, what do I know? I’m not even two decades old.

Fortunately the ways of homophobes tend to catch up with them. Usually when we find someone that is largely homophobic, there most likely is something much worse or more disgusting lurking under the surface waiting to burst out, for example the Anti Gay preacher in California that was recently charged with child molestation, then theres the case of Eddie Long. And they just keep coming.
Hopefully everyone will soon open their eyes to who the real enemies are.

AND THERE GOES ANOTHER ONE. NEXT!!!

2011-01-03T12:56:00.000-08:00

I’m really inspired. Just returned from my hometown (I refuse to say village) and had lots of fun meeting relatives…saw the cutest kid in the whole world again; my little cousin Sam…last time I saw him he was the size of my blackberry. It’s nice to be back in the city.

Sitting here in my bedroom at 11:00pm, I’m reading about the recent victory of our gay activists against the rolling trash can. Another victory, another step, another smile.

I wonder what is on Giles’ mind that little…! I won’t even bother trying to find out, not worth stalking. But really, what is it that he thought would happen? That Ugandans would read his “hang them” campaign and unite in a glorious rage against the homosexuals?…the homosexuals with their IPads in one hand and pink AK-47’s to destroy so called African values in the other. Hmm! Like Makerere campus girls say; I’ve haha’d!!! *Mbu Giles the man on a mission!

The unbeatable fact is step by step gay people in Africa and other parts of the world will be seen as equal human beings, and all that is good and truthful is on our side…nothing and no one can work against the tide of what is right and just for long, they all fall eventually. Ssempa is in mid-air right now. You don’t go spreading lies and hate and think you’ll be a happy human being. Sorry! The universe does not work that way! When will we learn that? What goes around people!

Can’t wait till the day we can finally come out and the only fear we have is being strangled by our fathers. Can’t wait.

GAY PRIDE PARADE KAMPALA…Hah! Hey, we can even have a gay pride anthem. Perhaps……Miss Keri’s new song?

Don’t hate us coz we’re beautiful!?!?

Nah!

We can do better.

...Seriously.

I’m gonna stop typing now.

*Mbu - A Ugandan figure of speech usually associated with sarcasm.

HELLO 2011

2010-12-31T12:02:00.000-08:00

Used all my fireworks on the repeal of DADT...You'll just have to settle for confetti and a clock.

In a couple minutes it will be my year...no one else's!!! Watch this space.
Fine, maybe I can squeeze you guys in.....its our year!
Here's to being young, undisputed, out of control, loud, and happy...even when the times got rough,...or stupid.
Heres to being fabulous.
Happy New Year!!!

HEAVY QUOTES

2010-12-30T01:52:00.000-08:00

"I cannot prevent anyone from getting angry, or mad, or frustrated. I can only hope that they’ll turn that anger and frustration and madness into something positive, so that two, three, four, five hundred will step forward, so the gay doctors will come out, the gay lawyers, the gay judges, gay bankers, gay architects … I hope that every professional gay will say ‘enough’, come forward and tell everybody, wear a sign, let the world know. Maybe that will help."

HARVEY MILK

GAY KARMA, THE ULTIMATE BITCH

2010-12-23T09:06:00.000-08:00

Last week I was walking out of one of our malls and behold, there he was. Martin Ssempa dressed in black prancing around with earphone wires and a silver chain around his neck.

I am not one to launch personal attacks for no reason, so trust me when I say he is an actual D-Bag. He was smiling uncontrollably at nothing and nodding at everyone that passed, as if to affirm their questions as to whether this was the mighty Martin Ssempa they were seeing before them. The things active homophobia does to the human mind! Actually I'm sure I was the only one that noticed him as Ssempa. Everyone else saw a middle aged man in a midlife crisis nodding and half-waving, so they couldn’t help but stare. Believe it or not, not that many people know the man.

Two weeks ago I was talking to a cousin of mine who is a Law student in Makerere University. A friend called her and they went into a chat about something called Prime Time. The light bulb in my head went off and I remembered where I heard it, it was in an article about Mr. EatDaPooPoo himself. Every Saturday he holds some kind of ‘fun’ abstinence rally/ fellowship at the University’s poolside which I found out is largely attended by MUK students, some who go majorly to pick up dates for the night out. When she was off the phone I asked her about prime time and Ssempa. In the end I knew of how he publicly ridiculed an absent law lecturer for her stance on LGBT rights. This lecturer is rumored to be gay although she has never mentioned it. Funny how these people think anyone that supports gay rights or does not have a problem with gays is gay.

I asked my cousin if she knew about the Eat Da Poo Poo video, she didn’t, most people don’t. So I showed it to her on you tube. She laughed, but it was more a laugh of someone that found him funny as a pastor, not someone that thought he was making a fool of himself in an outlandish manner, I’d know, I’ve seen that laugh a hundred times. At the end of the vid she said; “That man can really make you hate homosexuals”. I’ve always thought the bare statement that people like Ssempa and Bahati generate hate was overrated, but I realized that day that many of the Ugandans I’ve met are head nodders…a strange looking white man comes from oceans away and tells them that homosexuals were the driving force of the Nazi movement and they receive it as dignified truth. A “pastor’ tells them that only offertory of 1000sh and above is allowed, and they stay in there like reprogrammable robots, major reason why Pentecostal churches are big business here. On many occasions in school, due to my fear of losing an argument, I’d just cook up a “fact”, put it out there and own it, and voila, an argument won. Anyone that is eloquent, articulate and charismatic can easily convince these types of people, and they are many in Uganda. Whatever caused the large lack of personal opinion here, who knows. I’ll give you my take another time.

Today however I’m seeing pastor Male arrested in the papers. I hear Ssempa has fled! Haha! He’s on the run! The hunter becomes the hunted. I gots to say, I’m totally loving this new look on Ssempa, it’s so Bigot-chic and the color he’s wearing for the season is irony. They both deserve what’s coming to them, these two. All I hope is that these jerks will be exposed for the liars they really are. It’s Karma bitch!

CHRISTMAS CANTATA 2010

2010-12-23T05:27:00.000-08:00

In Uganda we don’t have Broadway or Opera, so what do all the artsy Ugandans do, you ask? We go see the annual cantata at Watoto church. Every year they put together this spectacular Christmas production which is shockingly free, and people, many who have not even seen the inside of a church the whole year, converge there and watch in awe and excitement. This year it was African themed and boy did they deliver. The show has been on all week at 6pm and 8pm and it stops tomorrow. And yes…I was there yesterday with my little entourage, each year they surprise me more. Beautiful lighting, magnificent voices, awesome choreography and good acting, it’s most definitely worth a watch. I know of people that go see it over and over, but that's just plain mad. See the opening act here.

Happy Holidays!

BUH BYE DADT!

2010-12-19T08:33:00.000-08:00

This is a sad sad day, a sad day for bigots and homophobes, and that makes me smile. Woke up this morning to find the web abuzz with the repeal of DADT and I was happy. Guess John McCain can crawl back into whatever hole he came from.Can't that man shut up already! Even in the face of defeat he has to keep muttering inanities. Blubber, blubber blubber! Nothing worse than a loser that just won't keep quiet.

Despite the fact that repeal was pretty inevitable, the possibility was all so surreal to me before. But now it’s happened. As a gay Ugandan, year in, year out I see homophobia succeed here, but this is a win for the gay community all over the world, and I can’t help but celebrate. And yeah I am obsessed with gay rights in the US, I admit it; it’s my way to distract myself from the unfairness that’s going on here, but you have to agree with me that America sets the pace for the rest of the world when it comes to LGBT rights. Most people here don’t know that gay people have been serving freely in Australia and Canada, but everyone knows about America. If you can’t be happy for yourself, be happy for someone else. One day that will be us, or even better, we’ll just dive right in for full rights at once..……I wish.

IMPOSTOR?

2010-12-17T08:14:00.000-08:00

So I’m at my favourite day time joint in town and I just got an Email from a gay blogger I respect too much, I have laughed my ass off…I can’t even find it. This is the highlight of my day! I have always absolutely loved how he criticizes and analyzes things on his blog and ability to read deep into situations, but little did I know I’d soon be the victim of this.

The E-mail goes as follows;

Hi *******:
I have looked at your blog and think the following:
1. You cannot be a teenager
2. Evidence from your blog suggests that you are not in Uganda
3. You are likely not even a black person, let alone a Ugandan

Which brings one to the question: who are you?

While your [very adult] criticism is recognized, I think that writing under the guise of a teenager doesn't help our cause for the obvious implications that one will not go into here.
Which segues to the other question: Who is this person and what is his/her agenda?
And yes, the ambiguity about your gender is not a mistake; I am not sure whether you are a man or a woman.
Do you want to explain what the true position is?

*************
http://**************.blogspot.com/

All I can tell you is he’s a gay blogger, period! It’s the first time I’ve gotten an email let alone comment of this sort! I haven’t yet even replied because I don’t know what to make of this. I feel partly flattered, partly surprised and partly offended. Offended because clearly someone out there thinks Ugandan teens are incapable of writing good blogs, or writing at all…well, he’s not alone, because I also think the same, I like to think I’m the only one that even has a blog. If you’re reading this and you write for the New Vision teen section, this may be my chance to tell you………YOU SUCK!

I’d really like to know the things that make me seem un-Ugandan to this person…how exactly do Ugandans write? This is so ironic because here I am fighting to prove I’m from a country that I so desperately want to cut all ties to. Oh, and I’m most likely not a black person? Sounds like one of those High School brats that kept saying because I listen to some alternative, I’m an oreo; black on the outside, but white on the inside. Bullsh*#! Do I really have to fill my blog with “Choka Banange’s” and “Wabula’s” before I’m considered Ugandan? Suddenly I’m reminded of people that always say I don’t seem Ugandan on first sight. I was at the police station sometime back to pick my car that was impounded…Okay, fine it was my Dad’s car, but I got it impounded, and those clueless police officers kept asking me whether I’m from South Africa, I told them Mauritius. As a matter of fact, every time someone called me Ugandan in school, I’d tell them not to call me that…I’d say, I’m just me. Not Ugandan, not African, not Black, not a teenager, just me. Not because I’m ashamed of my country, but because with being called Ugandan, so many other things come to mind that are not necessarily us. For example, I’m not homophobic like most Ugandans. I’m actually gay. To each label; American, European, tall, short, more labels are attached.

On the other hand I’m flattered because someone whose writing I so admire thinks my blog is too seemingly adult. That’s one point for me right? Despite all this I still adore this person, he's pretty awesome I must admit.

I feel like I kinda just started this blog abruptly without introducing myself to you, which I believe has been the cause for the above situation. Major reason for that is I hate introductions; I always want to jump right into things. So here goes:

I’m eighteen, turning nineteen in a week, can’t wait! Both my parents are Ugandan. My Dad’s a lawyer. I finished High School in June this year. And yes, I know the government schools here end in December, but I was in an International school, well, for the last half of high school. I won’t tell you though whether I did the British or American curriculum because I’d risk outing myself (Kampala’s a small place). I’m leaving for University/College next year, though I haven’t quite chosen where, since I was accepted everywhere that I applied. Don’t mean to brag.

Oh, and did I mention I’m gay? That would automatically make me male. So, surprise!, to everyone that thought I was a thirty year old Ugandan lesbian writing about her teen years.

I’ve got to send a reply now.

HEAVY QUOTES

2010-12-14T03:56:00.000-08:00

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

MAHATMA GANDHI

DAVID BA'HATE'

2010-12-10T15:16:00.000-08:00

Could this be the new face of evil?

So I’m sure that by now all of you have heard of how David Bahati made a fool of himself on the Rachel Maddow Show (love her) about a day ago. I’m always cringing when one of our politicians is being interviewed on international programs, so embarrassing. Have you heard how they answer the questions fired at them? I know. Thank God most of it is on radio shows. Bahati was the worst of them, and I think he’s sticking with that award for a long time, well of course unless they decide to interview Martin Eat Da Poo Poo Ssempa. He can find comfort in that.

Bahati’s interview really was a replica of what we see and hear from him and every other anti gay public figure in Uganda on everyday basis, except now it is out for all to see, on a wider stage…talk about washing our dirty laundry in public. Oh the horror! Bahati kept going round and round in circles when answering Rachel. Par exemple;

Rachel: What will happen to gay Ugandans if this is passed what do you expect gays to do? Will they flee or spend life in prison. If Homosexuality is punishable by life …what will happen to gays in Uganda will they flee or become straight – what do you expect to happen?

BaH8…We don’t believe it’s a human right in Uganda. If we make it a crime, then anybody who will be engaged in this will face the rule of law and we will protect the children.

He is adhering to the time honored tactic of the 5 D's; Dodge, Duck, Dip, Dive and Dodge. He didn't answer a single question directly. Lies and obfuscation are the only refuge of the bigoted, as one of the commenters mentioned. And yeah, of course he played the recruitment card. When asked about evidence of recruitment, he said something bordering on ‘Oh yes I can tell you, it’s a fact, it’s a fact because it is happening and we know it is happening because it is a fact, it is not a myth. It is a fact that people who do not believe in homosexuality know.’ Oh how hilarious. I’m amused at how he says the “people who do not believe in homosexuality.” Believe??? Homosexuality is not something to be believed in, it is just a thing. It’s like saying I don’t believe in that escalator, while seating at Mokka Terrace in Nakumatt, or saying I don’t believe in weather…there’s nothing to believe or not to believe in, it’s there! Period!!! Bahati’s utterances are very typical of many Ugandans that choose to bury their heads in the political sands of self righteousness, people who ignore all reason and choose to remain blinded by the curse of bigotry.

I don’t really know where the idea of recruitment came from…oh wait, I do. Remember Anita Bryant and her pals? Well it seems that ideology has remained in the minds of the anti gay evangelicals that have followed…some of whom came to Uganda about two years ago to spread their hate. This recruitment thing seems to be something that’s just there to veil personal homophobia. Using children to justify your hatred towards a minority group has been a tactic bigots have used for years to justify their prejudices.

The more you think of the idea of recruitment the more ridiculous it gets. High schools here are structured in a way that outsiders cannot get in and the closest you can get to seeing the outside world is visitation/open day. I cannot even imagine someone getting into Namilyango College or SMACK and recruiting those burly figured boys, not even in my own High School that was not as strict on visitors. Or even the primary schools, regardless of whether they’re day or boarding. I have not heard any Ugandan parent come forward saying their six year old kid came home and told them of how a strange man came to class and told them it is okay for Jack to marry John…and you know how honest kids can be. In fact technically that is not recruitment at all, nonetheless, this still doesn't happen in Uganda. How is it even done? What do these recruiters look like? Do they have rainbow uniforms? Do they carry around notebooks to list down their new recruits? Or IPads, they are being sent 15 million dollars after all, that should come with a couple IPads right? How do I get one? I was really looking forward to understanding all this when Bahati promised to send proof of recruitment to Rachel Maddow’s inbox, proof that she said she would gladly air on her show and that she is still waiting on by the way. Any non biased, educated Ugandan with a brain can see that these allegations are flawed and fabricated. But then again the majority of us are biased, and many among us aren’t that well educated, even if they went through school. How else does one explain Bahati or Ssempa?

Mrs. Maddow (Can I call her that?) also mentioned how the American psychological association declared that homosexuality is inborn and condemns any forms of attempted reparative therapy. Bahati then went on to respond that we (Ugandans) have our own views of dealing with these things different from America. Now that was a laugh! We don’t even have an active psychological association, or one that I have heard of. Please enlighten me if I'm wrong. Suddenly I'm reminded of what I normally hear from anti gay Ugandans when they are told about international pressure to stop the bill; ‘they (International community) should not undermine Uganda’s supremacy.’ Bahati’s statement is a classic case of what I like to call East African ignor-arrogance! What exactly are our ways of dealing with things? Wake up and smell the bacon people! We’re in the third world. Rwanda also had its own views and look what happened…a nation’s history scarred so much you can actually still see the effects of it today. Why weren’t the FBI Officials who came in the aftermath of the bomb blasts told to go back, because we Ugandans have our own ways of dealing with things? Send back all the medicine that’s being shipped in! We Ugandans can use our herbs after all, even for cancer! So far all I can see that our way of doing things has brought us is more potholes,, corruption, increased HIV rates, collapsing buildings and Journalism Graduates that settle for pit latrine publishing. Most Ugandans will shun me for saying this and say I’m unpatriotic, but it is the hard truth that we need to face in order to move forward freely. China and Russia can afford to pretend they have their own way of doing things when they actually know every country needs the rest; Britain can, the Aussies can, but sorry, not Uganda.

In all this, Bahati came across as a pretty decent guy, a polite monster – that’s what they’re calling him. In spite his poor debating skills and irrelevance, he was kind, which is probably why Rachel just couldn’t give him the Cohen-style smack down he so truly deserved. I also realized how he bears a striking resemblance to Idi Amin Dada. Weird. And his almost red eyes, with their extremely different world view...combine these with his strong forceful accent and you can render me catatonic around him.

Still a part of me thought this could be just a guy who due to his inevitable mindset has found himself on the wrong side of history. Perhaps that’s what Rachel saw too.

SEEING BEYOND THE RAINBOW FLAG

2010-12-03T13:32:00.000-08:00

As gay people, many of us tend to think we are special or unique for the wrong reason. We tend to think we are unique because we are gay. Well sorry, you're not! Some of us even tend to play the victim all the time because of this...Truth is that our being gay is the most minute, most uninteresting aspect of who we are.

I am gay. But I can sing, I can draw, I can run. I can write an excellent speech, I can give an excellent speech. I can adjust well to different working environments. I am smart, creative and innovative. I’m a ray of sunshine, and this country needs me. A snob? I think not! I just don’t do modesty…when I truly am something I say it! I don’t beat around the bush waiting to be flattered. My gayness remains insignificant against all these awesome things that I am or that I can do. Who I sleep around with or who I want to do is like a grain of sand on Kampala Road.

Unfortunately in Uganda it is hard to see this. There are big repercussions for being gay here. It is better to be a murderer than to be gay in this sea of toxic homophobia, and this all creates an illusion that our being gay is very very important. Suddenly it starts to seem like our entire worlds revolve around our sexuality. I must admit I tend to think this sometimes; occasionally I even start to think my coming out should be some Grande mardi gras type event. It’s because some people take a peculiar interest in my sex life, which FYI is dull of recent.

We have people who make it their everyday mission to make our lives a living hell, and they do it with unimaginable zeal. Are they paid??? I just don’t understand how someone can wake up in the morning and think of another plot to make life for gay people in Kampala more difficult than it already is. Ever thought about how some Ugandan woke up and came up with the bizarre tale of how gays are recruiting school children in hundreds of thousands. Gosh! People really are out to make us look bad even when it means fabricating things that are clearly untrue in the mind of any sensible person. Have people no conscience?

The names of Martin Ssempa, Giles Muhame, David Bahati will forever be etched in the books of history, or Wikipedia at least, not for trying to protect Ugandan culture like their delusional minds are telling them, but for going against the tide of what is right and just for all human beings regardless of race, religion or sexual orientation…because like it or not, someday in this country, there will be a gay pride parade. Someday in this country tolerance and acceptance will be taught in the classroom and so will the names of these vile repulsive men be mentioned in a history class somewhere as people that tried to oppress another group of people simply for being who they are. Uganda will one day wake up and realize it has bigger problems than two men or two women being in love.

Still, regardless of the fact that Ssempa and every other Ugandan that is in that mindset believe our gayness is the most important thing in the country, we should not be sucked into that black hole; we should focus on those things that are unique to each of us as an individual, we need to focus on those things about us that can help this nation (If unlike me you give a damn about it).
We must focus on the things that can truly make us shine like the stars that we are, all the while waiting for the day that every other Ugandan can open their eyes as well and see what actually is important.

WAD

2010-12-01T01:02:00.000-08:00

WATOTO CHURCH'S PLANS FOR 'THE GAYS'

2010-11-25T07:25:00.000-08:00

You may have by now heard about Watoto Church’s apparent plans to help reform homosexual youth. If I were in the Western world I would be furious, because I know the dangers of reparative / conversion therapy all too well…but I’m in Uganda where the Ssempas of the world meet the Muhame’s. We’re in Uganda, home of bulls#*t rags that call themselves newspapers and post pictures of gay people calling for their hanging. We’re where gay people go to jail without trial or even face death because they’re different, so it may actually be a win situation for the Ugandan gay community. I know some of you might have lost me there, but well, let me explain.

Watoto Church is the first mega Church in Uganda let alone group that has actually come out to say they want to help the ‘gays’. I know it’s not exactly help but isn’t it a step away from the way the churches have been demonizing gay people. I mean, seriously, this can’t be worse than the ‘no room for discussion/ interaction, arrest them!’ attitude most people here have towards homosexuals…so it may be a small step in the right direction to Ugandans realizing gay people do not choose to be gay. It even makes the reality of gay people really being there more ‘put out there.’ Imagine if instead of churches here preaching against gays and for the Kill The Gays Bill, they actually started trying to ‘help’ the gays change…I know it's dangerous psychologically for the person they're trying to 'change', but I suppose we should roll with the lesser of the two evils. A parent somewhere is going to find out their kid is gay, they're going to take him to be reformed...he will seem reformed for a while but later they will find him out and realize he never really changed, and voila! we have a realization that people are born gay; well, in most cases, some parents will resort to throwing the poor kid out. Anything that will contribute to the shift in the homophobic mindset that is dominant here, I’ll tolerate, not that I’m going to sign up to be ‘repaired’ or anything…I’d just rather I be looked at as someone who needs help when I actually don't, than a demon that should be destroyed...just saying.

There are a few quotes by the church I find rather amusing though; “...identifying, providing care for and reforming homosexual youth, helping them re-integrate into society…” Uhhh, okay…they want to identify us, and how do they plan on doing that??? Rounding up all the limp-wristed men in Kampala? They really had me at re-integrate! Ha-ha. I can assure you that the majority of LGBT youth have no problem with that…they have integrated themselves into society so much that there are probably a couple serving in your church, so much that many of them even talk ill of gay people, and by ill I mean vile and repulsive. They are at pulpits, they are in boardrooms, they are in hospitals, they are in your homes…why are they hiding, you ask; because none wants to be demonized and persecuted. If anyone should teach the art of blending in, it is gay people, we have mastered it. We exist. We are everywhere! Be terrified! ; )

COMING OUT, WELL,... ATLEAST IN MY HEAD

2010-11-22T12:17:00.000-08:00

How will I come out? At the dinner table my Dad goes on and on about university applications and somehow he ends up on the University of California in San Francisco…he pauses and says with disgust on his face, “ No, I can’t send my boy to those places that are full of homosexuals.” Well, maybe I can consider myself lucky based on the fact that the H word is even mentioned in this house. Just a few seconds back my brother’s friend, whom I briefly had a crush on; on discovering from my brother that I am no longer an over enthusiastic Christian asked me if I now have a girlfriend…A goddamn girlfriend!!! I have absolutely no idea why people are always on the edges of their seats to hear I’m dating.

Every time I hear the people around me talking about gay people it is with disgust. Oh, yeah, this is Uganda…what did I expect? But I can’t help but pose the question; how will you come out? Now, I know many Ugandans do not even think of coming out, the only answer to homosexuality is to not talk about it, get married to any girl that would do, and live happily ever after…well, at least according to their relatives and friends. I refuse to do this. Closets are a place of death. I am coming out! I do not want to go ahead and marry a girl that thinks I am attracted to her and yet I’m not…what kind of person does that to a woman? I can’t be that cruel! It will be the hardest thing I have ever done I’m sure, but I must come out.

I have come up with a couple of ways I could come out to relatives and I'm kinda spoilt for choice.

Plan A:

Go to university, study, live life and work and accumulate some money (The country I’m going to permits students to work). When I complete my first year I’ll return for the summer, sit my parents down and tell them.

If they react badly (98% likelihood): I’ll leave the house, upset and depressed, pay for my own air ticket back and try get back on my feet. I’ll slowly start to build a life for myself miles away from them. My Dad will stop paying for my tuition; I will try to find a way to come up with the money. If I get the scholarship I’m currently applying for, that shouldn’t be a problem. I’ll apply for a citizenship change too…probably, no, most likely date guy after guy till I come across that special guy.

If I make enough money I’ll move to New York, the city of my dreams. Should my parents contact me during this time and ask if I’ve come to my senses yet…I’ll go on and on about how it is not a choice and say if they can’t accept it its unfortunate. I’ll also make it clear that they do not need to worry about me, that they should just live their lives…heck! I might even offer to pay for a little vacation for them. I love them and want them to be happy. Don’t know if they’ll accept it though.

If they accept me, I couldn't ask for anything more! I’ll be on the next plane to Kampala so they can meet the guy I’m dating / married to. Although this is very unlikely.

Plan B:

I’ll tell them a day before I leave for university just so they don’t think I imported ‘this vice’ from the ‘God-forsaken’ western world (Major disadvantage with plan A). There might be a huge argument with my Dad especially. In all this I will be submissive. If he sternly tells me to change, I will agree, I will agree to every asinine suggestion, even conversion therapy when I come back for holidays. I will be dumped at the airport the next day. When I touchdown, I will allow them some time, spare them the gay talk for maybe two months, before I email and tell them change is not going to be possible and everything else that they won’t want to hear. If things don’t seem bright from that point I wont come back. And hence I’ll resume with the last half of Plan A.

Plan C: (The most cowardly)

Leave a book on gay relationships, sex or dating in my empty room as I go off to college. I hope the darn maid won’t find it and take it for keeps thinking she’s saving me. If it ends up in my Dad’s hands I will sure be getting a lecture soon, by email or phone call.

In all this, please do feel free to consider my brothers just pale figures swaying back and forth in the hazy background. I’ve never really cared what they think.

These plans have been constructed in my head by my very awake and active imagination. The bits about me leaving and not coming back may seem sad but I am willing to do whatever it takes for me to be happy, wherever there will be a gap to reason or reconcile with my parents I will do just that, but I just can’t have the negative energy around me. And I know it may seem like make believe or delusion, it will be hard, i know that, but I will try my hardest to make me happy.

Like one of my favorite bloggers wrote; “So, your parents, aunties and uncles have made choices all their lives; presumably choices that have made them very happy indeed. At what point are you going to be like them and make choices that make you happy? When they are dead? What if you die before they do? Will it make you any more relieved if you are lying on your deathbed, regretting the choices you made and didn't make if your relatives are happy that you did what they wanted you do?”

Oh, and for my friends? There’s only one way; I’ll just drop a bomb on them…par exemple; change my facebook relationship status, or post pictures. I don’t really want to give much thought to it; I am actually slowly coming out to them, liking links to gay blogs and the It Gets Better Project on my actual facebook profile, if you can call that indication. I’ve actually lost all the assumption that I have to pretend, I’m over it! so much that if any of them came up to me and asked me, I would tell them the truth. In the end I’ll lose some and win some. I’m just tired of hiding so much, I’ll make-out with a guy in front of them if I have to. I know this may all sound crazy, but its what the closet does to you, especially in Uganda.

SIBLINGS AND DEATH TRAPS

2010-11-18T06:01:00.000-08:00

My brothers come home this week... just when my life couldn’t get any easier! This means knocks on my door at 9 in the morning, having to look around for my cologne only to find it halfway and mostly having to delete my internet history every time. Sigh! On the brighter side, I've kinda missed them, plus it means I don’t have to do all the driving around. You know how when you get your license you’re so excited and jump right into every opportunity to get behind the wheel, oh how those days are so behind me; I’d give anything to not drive anymore in this danger zone of a town, it’s exhausting! I usually can literally feel the life being sucked out of me. But once in a while I get a good laugh in noticing a few foreign drivers on our roads, have you noticed them before? Looking all panicky like they’re in a freaking death trap; their faces flushed red and beads of sweat shooting out of their pores. Oh how hilarious!!! Who can blame them? Driving on these streets is a daily battle we’re used to. The ‘Boda Bodas’ think every route is for them; one ways, red lights, even the sidewalk! Then there are the Taxis (matatus) that are always trying to squeeze into any small gap available, spewing obscenities and leaving dust in their wake. Did I mention the potholes? Driving on these roads is about trial and error; or trial and terror is more like it. Good God have mercy on Kampala and all who inhabit it!

CHRISTIANITY, HYPOCRISY AND SELF ACCEPTANCE.

2010-11-14T08:39:00.000-08:00

I don’t know why I’m constantly drenched in rain water every Sunday on my way from service. Perhaps it’s mother nature’s way of telling me to stop going just because the music at my church rocks. Seriously, I’m a sucker for good music, secular or Christian. The church I go to in the middle of Kampala makes just the cut and no amount of anti gay rhetoric can keep me away from it. Unlike many gay people in the world I find it a waste of my mental energy to be so against Christianity. It’s such a drag being against anything or being angry all the time. Sure, I sometimes want to hit religious zealots in the head with my shoe but I don't make it a lifestyle to constantly be negative about 'Born-Agains' or Evangelical Christians. I try not to be angry or anti-anything. Mother Teresa said; “If you want me to come to an anti-war rally, don’t expect me to show up, but if you invite me to a pro-peace rally, then I will…” or something like that.

Some gay people I’ve spoken to are often repulsed at Christianity or the Bible, because of how they’ve been used to condemn them. I’ve never found need to lash out against any of these things. If I don’t like the way the pastor portrays gay people I just ignore it, because he might never come to know the truth that gay people are born that way. If the stonewall era-gay activists spent their time condemning Christianity rather than focusing on gay rights, the U.S would have come an insignificant way in LGBT acceptance.

Sitting in church today, for some reason I recalled how I had once immersed myself so much in Christianity in my first four years of boarding high school ( yeah we do six years here). I was in the choir, church committee, I led praise and worship, gosh I was so on fire! One Sunday during service it just clicked in my mind that there I was putting myself in a role model position in a way of life that condemned who I was…I was gay. I finally accepted. The preacher was going on and on about “how the gays are going to destroy our country, how they’re disgusting and how they’re unnatural.” How could this be unnatural when it’s all I’ve known my entire life, I thought. How could this be unnatural when I’ve tried to bury it and it has all failed? At that moment I walked out and I never went back. I figured that if there was any way I could honor this Jesus that I so deeply believed in, it would be to stop hiding my sexuality from myself behind veils of church leadership.

In the days that followed I pulled myself out of the weekly fellowships and ditched the committee meetings. When I left I had been really looked up to as a Christian figure in school and many people were let down. People kept approaching me asking what was wrong and I’d just shrug. It was kinda sad.

These recent months the realization has hit me that there are plenty of Ugandan gay youth in the church, that are the way I was then. There’s this 25 y/o guy I recently I met on the internet and weeks later we had a 'date'. I was nervous…what if he turned out to be not so good looking? That fear dissipated when I finally saw him. He was perfect. He had said earlier that I’d meet him at a meeting then we’d leave later. Awkward! I thought, but he was hot so I let it slide with little more than a whatever. Later I found out that meeting was actually a Christian fellowship and that he was a Sunday school teacher at his church. I was warmly welcomed into the fellowship as a friend of his. We sat far apart from each other, him on the opposite side. As I was seated there, the leader of the fellowship announced a verse and my ‘date’ was happy to read it…it was one of those that condemned certain things, one of which was homosexuality. I looked at him and wondered how he did it.

It really beats me that all these closeted, gay Ugandans I’ve met or heard of are actively part of their churches. They are in the choir; they are part of the counseling team, they are ushers. Some of them even gay-bash with scripture. Are they trying to distract themselves? Are they looking to be healed of their homosexuality? If it is the latter, I can’t complain. Who am I to say they can’t be healed. It’s their experience not mine. What I can say is I’ve had my experience and I’ve learnt and decided a couple of things. One is that I’m happy to be gay and just another inactive person in church, one that is just there for the enjoyment of the lights and music and the occasional feeling of being connected to this God person, and mostly, one that responds to the Homophobic Churchy bigots with absolute apathy.

LOLZ

2010-11-12T13:53:00.000-08:00

UGANDA NEEDS MORE GAYS.

2010-11-09T10:58:00.000-08:00

I was walking down Bombo Rd when it suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks….Kampala desperately needs more gays. Yeah it must be sad for some people to acknowledge this but it’s so true. As a nation we should start kissing some gay ass, seriously. The reality of the world today is that gay people are among the most intelligent, creative, innovative, witty people there are. On top of all that we’re just so goddamn fabulous! And what more, what more could Uganda possibly need to resurrect its tragic comedy, drab journalism, uninspiring architecture and criminal design scene. There, I said it, it’s out there… Sorry Sylvie-O!

I’m not saying there aren’t any straight people in the creative arts or science, there certainly are…plenty. What I’m saying is the best are always the gay ones, go figure, don’t make me start naming names. This is all probably because young gay people, direct their frustration due to the intolerance of society and homophobia in most communities around the world into things that distract them from this. They direct their frustration and energy into drama, art, science, music, writing, you name it, they bury themselves in it. What we need to get rid of the mediocrity in our advertising, design, theatre, film and television, etc, is this kind of talent.

I’m not trying to soften anyone’s heart towards the gay community, God knows I am anything but an activist, just an annoying gay teenager that sees and thinks. I’m just saying it as it is and if you don’t like it, well, you can just suck my……….toe!

So you see, we need the gays to come out wherever they are and start to shine. It is very likely most are already shining, but in their closets. Most of all we need this country to make it possible, and that means getting rid of that ignorant bill, teaching tolerance and putting laws in place that protect them...Oh, and shutting up bigots like Ssempa. It may take time but it will happen.

WHY CAN'T I FLIRT?

2010-11-07T07:19:00.000-08:00

I mean seriously... I wouldn’t exactly refer to myself as shy; I refuse to be labeled that mundane word! But I find it, I dunno…hard to make eye contact first of all, this frustration may all be stemming from this one guy I met in church today; (yeah if u think church is no place to be flirty, bite me), it pains me to even go into details because he was so hot, so my type and my gaydar was pinging at 1000hz. I did a couple things to get him to notice me and yes!!! he did…1 point for me there!

During the sermon I kept glancing over to his side (gosh he was so hot!), not necessarily directly at him but in his direction, and when I’d turn back he’d do the same. I tried hard not to let my mind wander because I was in church, with much success. Finally the end of the service came and when the guy between us leaned forward he turned directly at me, supposedly to make eye contact and strike up a conversation…aaaand I didn’t. Yeah, what a disaster! It seems so much easier with girls.

All these school experiences with boys suddenly started rushing back… Often during certain periods of my life in high school, there would always be a guy that just kept staring at me, everywhere; in the dining, assembly hall, class, parade…everywhere, every time. And these guys were always hot. I actually liked them a lot, and they always had girlfriends. It was quite confusing for me at first; I mean why would he be staring at me like this if he has a girlfriend; that would automatically make him straight right? And so I’d lead them on, sending signals and giving green lights, that is until they came up to speak to me…and all those signals and lights would suddenly go off, I’d end up talking about something totally unrelated (Call it rambling if you like) Another hot guy gone.

Perhaps I’m actually the prude I accuse other people of being? I have no idea...but what I do know for sure is it can be risky for a gay closeted man/boy to approach a boy who is gay and closeted as well. Like Harvey Milk said, you gotta give them hope, (Pun intended) and its a mutual effort.

Well, church boy picked up his notepad and walked off into the crowd, he took his perfect jaw line with him too…he probably thought his gaydar had failed. And that’s when I realized; if I don’t learn to strike up small talk I’m probably never going to get anything beyond a one night stand. And I kept threatening myself : ‘M!, if you continue like this you’re gonna end up alone!…’ (Ofcourse I’m not) I just wish I could try again. Maybe I have a tendency to play hard to get; or I actually am hard to get,lol!…either way balance is needed; who knows what great people I’ve missed out on because of my elitist and unapproachable nature. These walls are going to have to come down!

FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO.

2010-11-05T12:57:00.000-07:00

I must admit I’m not quite the documentary fan, the closest I’ve gotten to ‘documentarish’ is the real housewives of orange county…but I recently stumbled upon one that I think everyone should watch whether they’re gay or straight, it’s called FOR THE BIBLES TELLS ME SO (Religion: The Horrors, Beliefs and Homophobia). It’s about the misuse of the Bible to justify Homophobia and other kinds of prejudice. Watch the trailer below:

Many people in Uganda lack education about homosexuality and I guess this does just the trick. All I know is I’m definitely showing it to my parents when I fully come out…that’s if they’ll want to hear me out. But it is one of the most liberating things I’ve ever watched. This is the you tube link to the full thing, so is the one in the text above. It’s in parts so just follow the numbers. Enjoy!

THE MANY DELUSIONS OF GILES MUHAME

2010-11-04T08:10:00.001-07:00

The Interview.

Giles Muhame and his little elf Abenaitwe Cliff make quite an interesting study…well, along with a few other Ugandans; but Giles Muhame definitely takes the post of mayor of crazy town. I have never met anyone with a mind clouded by so much delusion in my entire life. It’s so bad that he actually refers to his little rug as “The Mighty Rolling Stone”, and I’ve had beyond my fair share of lol’s. They both seem so justified in their pit-latrine journalism its hilarious, the irony is delicious! The funniest yet is how he thinks he’s doing good…On the rug’s facebook page (which seems to have been taken down by facebook by the way), he posted: “The mighty rolling stone is making headlines around the world…”,or something of the like, and some other hogwash. Its very mind boggling that he really can’t see that the reason its making headlines is not because of how ‘mighty’ but rather how asinine it is, like a foreign user had stated on the page.

Abenaitwe, who also works for the paper as you might have figured, has a similar mindset…on his facebook profile he constantly rants about gays in the country and how they should all go to a ‘special hell’, as if there are no more important journalistic topics in Uganda. Has this become his whole life? What happens when this anti-gay fire burns out, what then will become of the 'Mighty rolling rug'? In reading a couple of his recent posts it is clear that he feels very empowered, like he has finally found salvation, like this is his calling, ‘to name and shame’ the gays,lol!!! His and Giles' attitude seems to be that of a kid that shuts his ears and shouts ‘Lalalalalala’ when they are being told what they don’t want to hear…evidence of this can be seen when one of his friends comments on one of Giles' vile posts that he is targeting innocent people.(there are some sane Ugandans after all).

The one moment I thought I saw evil reincarnated was when I was watching Giles’ interview with David McKenzie, he said:

"We thought by publishing the story, the police would capture them, prosecute them and hang them!"

I looked into the eyes of the man who had just given voice to those words and sighed. Didn’t know what to feel at that moment, it was a mix of amusement and shock, I laughed for a moment, it was all so surreal before but I had finally realized that this guy really is demented, that there was no amount of rhetoric or education that could get him out of that brainwashed thinking. The interviewer was clearly taken aback, and throughout the interview his facial expression screams "Dude! What the hell is wrong with you?" I recently found out Giles did another interview and in it he said: wait for it…….. "We published the areas where they live so that counselors could find them and help them," I mean really? What counselor in Uganda does door to door service? What a lame cover up! What an a**!!!

I have on many occasions met plenty of Muhames and Abenaitwes, people who feel so justified in their thinking just because, just because what? Its unnatural? Unnatural meaning you’ve never seen or heard anything like it? Well, news flash! the whites in America felt exactly that way towards the blacks a couple decades back, but we've moved on. And when we see new unfamiliar things or characters we don’t just lash out now do we? As human beings we try to learn and understand in order to determine whether or not it is a danger to us before we condemn. The medieval attitude of labeling whatever we don’t understand as danger should be long gone…we should be wiser after those lessons we learnt from the Genocide, The Holocaust, The Civil rights movement, Apartheid and yes, from the crucifixion of Jesus Christ.

LOL'Z

2010-11-03T13:45:00.000-07:00

Haha...Ssempa comes to mind.

INQUISITIVE HIGHSCHOOL BRATS

2010-11-03T11:12:00.000-07:00

I am constantly amused when I look at how most Ugandans react to Homosexuality, its pretty appalling most times if you ask me. However there are few reactions that stand out.

I remember coming out to this one straight friend; Tom. He was the first person I told. I was in my final year of high school. He always had an inkling but he wanted it confirmed, so he kept harassing me to tell him until one night, feeling alone and frustrated I finally told him. It was all so surreal to him. He took it well. Then he started asking me questions like…How do you do it? And i was out. Well, I finally had someone to talk to about sex, crushes and hope for the future…on many occasions my dorm-mates would be perplexed at our abrupt laughter and coded conversation, many times trying to listen in but failing miserably.

For some reason a couple of boys in my class…the ones that ruled the scene and dated all the hot girls-took a huge interest in my sexuality. I was the kid that always seemed like he had better things to do. I liked to think of myself as the face of the sophisticated crowd in school, so as a result it was hard for some people, even my own classmates to reach me or get to know me, especially the girls; I could tell they wanted to but there was no route. I strictly kept to my circle of friends. And now that the pressure of curiosity had overwhelmed them, the ‘Ganja/soccer/testosterone pumping’ crowd had gathered in my cubicle. We talked about random things and laughed amongst ourselves, they were quite comical. Soon they were firing question after question: Which girl do you find attractive in class? Have you ever had a crush? Porn???...And to all these I would answer “I don’t know” or “no”, but in a not so serious manner.

These scenarios happened quite often and always ended in conclusions that I was gay and the boys walking out saying ‘its official the guy is gay’ like it had been a major topic of discussion prior to that. A shrug from me always followed. But for some reason it was never final because I never gave voice to those words: I’M GAY. So in no time they’d be joking around with me again. It was a never ending cycle. I still to this day have no idea why those boys; who are still friends with me today; took and still take a peculiar interest in my sexuality. Perhaps the reason they can't come to a conclusion is because the presence of gay people in this country is almost inconceivable to most. Or I'm just too seemingly straight.

The one reaction that stands prominent in my mind was that of Jack…a guy I had an immense crush on. He had always sent all these signals and flirted with me from time to time. Although several other boys flirted with me usually in a joking manner, he always kept eye contact. So there we were in the heat of the afternoon sun watching those gnarly basket ball players run to and fro across the court. We were in deep conversation and somehow got to the point of girls. I wasn’t showing much interest so I said bluntly that I liked boys. There was a pause for what seemed like forever until he finally said; “No, I know you can’t be gay!” Now I was confused…isn’t that what he wanted? ...For me to be gay? I then said, with a wry smile; ‘no really…I like boys’. He took one long stare into my hazel eyes and walked off. Yikes!

CONFESSIONS OF A GAY UGANDAN TEEN

Confessions Of A…….?

DELUDED MUCH?

WATCH THIS SPACE

NO PLACE LIKE HOME

NEW YORK PASSES GAY MARRIAGE BILL

COMING OUT TALES AND EXPERIENCES

THE FEM CONDITION

RANDOM

HEAVY QUOTES

OF SEX AND A COMMUNITY

LOSERS, INCONVENIENCES AND MONSTERS

HELP! THERE’S A GIRL IN MY BED!!!

LOLZ

DON'T FEED THE SLEAZE-BAGS!!!

STILL HERE.

SLAIN HEROES

HAPPINESS

HOPE,...IN UNLIKELY PACKAGING

HEAD IN THE SAND

AND THERE GOES ANOTHER ONE. NEXT!!!

*HELLO 2011*

HEAVY QUOTES

GAY KARMA, THE ULTIMATE BITCH

CHRISTMAS CANTATA 2010

BUH BYE DADT!

IMPOSTOR?

HEAVY QUOTES

First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.

MAHATMA GANDHI

DAVID BA'HATE'

SEEING BEYOND THE RAINBOW FLAG

WAD

WATOTO CHURCH'S PLANS FOR 'THE GAYS'

COMING OUT, WELL,... ATLEAST IN MY HEAD

SIBLINGS AND DEATH TRAPS

CHRISTIANITY, HYPOCRISY AND SELF ACCEPTANCE.

LOLZ

UGANDA NEEDS MORE GAYS.

WHY CAN'T I FLIRT?

FOR THE BIBLE TELLS ME SO.

THE MANY DELUSIONS OF GILES MUHAME

LOL'Z

INQUISITIVE HIGHSCHOOL BRATS

HELLO 2011