Saturday, April 30, 2011

HEAVY QUOTES

“The job of the gay community is not to deal with extremists who would castigate us or put us on an island and drop an H-bomb on us. The fact of the matter is that there is a small percentage of people in the world* who understand the true nature of the homosexual community. There is another small percentage who will never understand us. Our job is not to get those people who dislike us to love us. Nor was our aim in the civil rights movement to get prejudiced white people to love us. Our aim was to try to create the kind of America, legislatively, morally, and psychologically, such that even though some whites continued to hate us, they could not openly manifest that hate. That’s our job today: to control the extent to which people can publicly manifest antigay sentiment.” 


~Bayard Rustin (civil rights activist and gay man who advised MLKjr and organized the 1963 March on Washington)

Sunday, April 24, 2011

OF SEX AND A COMMUNITY

Can I let you in on a little Secret? I haven't had sex in.....ever. Of course that's if your definition of sex between two guys is limited to the idea of putting something into a hole. Expand your definition of sex and that sends the day I lost my virginity way behind, embarrassingly behind! Anal sex terrifies me! I had known I liked boys since I was around five and had an immense crush on my class teacher...he was a fox; I however only learnt about anal ten years later and those brats I told you about were joking about what went down in a certain boys secondary school.Still the whole idea was all too abstract and mundane to me. I then started to think that I was the only gay person that did not automatically think anal was the way to go.

Through the years I sometimes thought that it appeared ‘gay’ men were trying to simulate heterosexual intercourse; making the anus as a makeshift vagina…hence they were not really gay! I just didn't get it, I still don't... So I came to a temporary conclusion, the only way I could understand where this anal thing came from was this embarrassing theory; that there were indeed other people like me, who genuinely liked other men, and then there were genuinely straight guys who did not have much luck with the ladies and hence came to prey on the genuinely homosexual boys and made them have sex in a way they did not want, in the easiest way they could simulate the heterosexual sex they were missing…and so the homosexual boys would submit to them anyway, because lets face it; the gay dating pool wasn’t that big and they were desperate. Hehe, don’t laugh at my fragmented thought patterns; I was a kid for goodness sake. So I lived knowing men that were really gay didn’t have a shot at full sexual satisfaction, because anal sex hurts and it really does nothing for the one being penetrated, from what I’ve heard…after all, the anus has no nerve endings. When bottoms say they enjoy being penetrated I’ve always convinced myself that they are lying…How can that feel good? I thought;
‘Of course! Anyone can program himself or herself to think they’re actually enjoying something when they’re really not!
If Tops are looking for penetration, can’t they just go find a woman?
Where do tops come from anyway?
Heterosexual sex=the union of penis and vagina,
Lesbian sex=union of two vaginas,
Gay sex=union of PENIS and ANUS?????’

I have of recent been coming across more and more gay people that feel the same way I do and have all the above questions…What a relief it has been to find out I’m not the only one… I was beginning to worry I was asexual or something, not that there’s anything wrong with that. I find it impossible to have my dick up the arse of someone I have real feelings for, or a dick up my arse for that matter, sorry for the crude language.

Someone recently told me this, I quote, “The desire to have anal intercourse arises/arose from the need to comply with and imitate a standard established by heterosexist culture and education. The heterosexist culture has only conceived sex as being between a masculine being and another feminine one, and as penetrative, so the homosexual couple would also have to satisfy these requirements…the result being a heterosexualised and deformed homosexuality. (Is this true? Male-Female, Top-Bottom?) This imposed model serves so that true homosexuality remains hidden and it is not developed with normality. It is rejected that two men can have totally satisfactory sex without having to copy the heterosexual couple. In non-homophobic cultures, homosexuality was never associated with anal intercourse and sex between men was focused on frottage and intimacy which does not imitate male-female sex as anal penetration represents the ultimate form of sexual disrespect whether male/male or male/female.”

This all got me thinking what if gay men are not really meant to have intercourse but ‘outercourse’ instead, after all we are wired differently aren’t we? Also I wondered whether this whole anal thing and its relation with submission to heterosexist ideals has something to do with the apparent collective inferiority complex of the gay community…Yes, I just said it, its out there! Inferiority complex! Why do we call ourselves ‘Queers’, why? Why are some gay people still making ‘fag’ jokes? Where did the terms ‘Straight acting gay’ come from? For a gay guy to say he is ‘straight acting’ would be to allege that straight people are indeed superior to gay people, which we sure as hell know is totally not the case. Imagine a world where a black guy said, ‘I’m fit, muscular, hardworking, handsome and white-acting.’ To couple all these positive words; fit, muscular, handsome with the word ‘white-acting’ or ‘white-looking’ would be to insinuate that being white is superior and being black inferior. Same case for us folks, every single thing about our behaviours, language or preferences should be refined so as to wipe out the dark cloud that looms over our heads whispering the lies that one race is inferior to the other; that one gender is superior to the other, and that one sexual orientation is superior to the other.

Another thing I wonder about is if after the sex a top really respects the bottom he’s been with. Does the bottom still regard himself highly after that? I know I wouldn’t…does that say anything about the scarcity of committed gay relationships?, about promiscuity in the gay community? Maybe this never ending cycle of anal penetration leads to another never ending cycle of lack of respect for one another or oneself, which brings us to a multitude of gay men slutting around, plus you can’t have good relationships forming between people who don’t respect each other or respect themselves. This lack of respect also points to the discrimination that lies within the gay community itself…seriously, No fems, Fatties, or Blacks!???? Honestly? Only among gays have I seen such things. Only on gay blogs have I seen the most racist comments. Anyone watched the A-List NewYork lately? It may be a little unfair to lay all the blame on the sex though…I mean, there might be an entire web of factors that have led to what the majority of the gay community is like today, its been through a lot; the Nazis, Stonewall, HIV, and now Scott Lively. The constant judgement by society must have played a big part too.

Much as I find the thought of anal sex dirty, repulsive and disgusting, I am not jumping to any conclusions, maybe I am wrong…it probably is because anal is not for me as a person since from what I hear other people enjoy it a lot, even straight couples as I have mentioned before. Hell! Maybe I’ll even end up trying anal later, who knows? Nothing is set in stone for now. It’s the only way I’ll know that I really don’t like it. An increasing number of gay men are starting to be anti-anal though and I would have loved to say that it would draw a rift through the entire gay community changing it forever, because, we all know how I love dramatic assumptions, but if that were to happen we would be shooting ourselves in the foot since we always throw around the statement ‘It is none of your business what others do in the privacy of their rooms.’ I probably should try take that advice, I mean, the symbol of the gay community is the rainbow isn’t it? And it symbolises diversity even in the gay community itself, hence not everybody in the gay community loves Lady Gaga, or wears skinny jeans, or has anal sex…it’s the beauty of it; variety is the spice of life. And even though the gay community may have a lot of complications, both sexual and non-sexual related, it is up to us as individuals, or as couples, to free ourselves from those complications, to define what our own experiences as gay people will be, and as each individual/couple is liberated, the whole gay community will be. Just because the government says you’re not married does not mean you aren’t…that all depends on if at all you want to be called ‘married’…maybe there’s no word for whatever it is you’re in, its that special; civil union? I think not!!! One thing we also seem to forget is that how we have sex is the most insignificant thing about our sexual orientation, because homosexuality is primarily and supremely about LOVE between two people. No one should tell you who you are…So walk tall and carry a big stick!