Sunday, March 6, 2011

HELP! THERE’S A GIRL IN MY BED!!!

Help her, I mean…I couldn’t be terrified in the very least. How is it that people can’t get a hint? All I have done since I got into University is drop hints that I am a big fat gay… What do people want me to do…stand in the middle of the plaza at lunch hour and shout I F**K GUYS?

It was shocking, like a scene out of Gossip Girl. There were loud bangs on my door, bangs of a semi-drunk hot girl. I opened and she let herself in promptly. I was tired and high from the night out…she was too, but she wanted something more. She must have had me on her bucket list for a while given how she had marched direct to my door. She was a vision; well, at least that’s what I hear from the guys.

She kept rubbing on the sides of her dress, and all over her curvy body, I guess that’s supposed to be a signal?...a signal for me to take it off? Straight guys, help me out here… She told me to put the light out…and I was like; sorry? You’ve had a lot to drink haven’t you? Blah blah yada yada… -“Turn off the f**king light and move over!” she interrupted. I’ve never heard anyone be so vulgar and graceful at the same time. Haha, she was really focused, this one, so I did as she asked. Well, within five seconds her dress was off and so was her bra…she was now inside my bed, completely naked, waiting for me to do what all the guys do…nobody ever rejects her, so why would I? Poor thing. I promised myself at the beginning of the year not to laugh at things I don’t consider funny, not to bother with people I don’t give a damn about and not to do things that do not pleasure me at all just to make other people happy. Well, I was not about to make her happy, so I sat it out and braced myself for what would be the most awkward three hours of my life. In my head I kept wondering what I did that would make this girl think I was straight. I’d been all the stereotypes, it didn’t seem to work. Now she was rubbing up against me. Oh god! What a waste that was…I have straight friends that would have loved to hit that.


Its morning now and she’s still in my sheets…I can’t help but feel for her, I mean, she’s gonna wake up with a shattered ego, thinking I rejected her. She’s never been rejected in her life. She’s smart and beautiful and she deserves someone that would never leave her in bed on a Sunday to go write a blog. My thoughts have somehow wandered off to women that are married to gay men and they don’t know it…the girl in my bed has wasted a Saturday night, many out there are wasting a life. As long as being gay is not considered equal to being straight, women will continue to be hurt, empty marriages will continue to be formed and lives will keep on being wasted…not to mention weekends. Waste a life, but do not waste a weekend, never!!!

Let me not turn this into a gay rights rant however. She’s 20, she’ll bounce back, they always do. Its not like she was in love with me or anything. Its college!